i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
you never un-have a 4some
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
