Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
