Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
