dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
