The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
