I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Randomize
