youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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