Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
