you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
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