Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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