Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
