Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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