i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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