i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
