what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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