so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
