Is it normal to miss your booty call?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
