The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
