I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Randomize
