Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
