your room smells of hookers.
And success
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Randomize
