i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
