I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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