We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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