Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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