Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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