My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
