i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
