i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
