some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
