FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize