garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Randomize
