ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
