If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I just want nice things and good sex
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize