I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
