woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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