i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize
