Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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