When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
