the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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