I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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