we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
