You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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