He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
