I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
