i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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