Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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