broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Randomize
