I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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