Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
