I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Randomize