Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
