How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
