i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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