Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
