wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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