Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
