Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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