he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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