I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
In other news, I just burned my penis
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
