Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
