its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Randomize
