You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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