I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
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