I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
