He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
