Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
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