Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
