Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
