the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
the condom got lost in my hair
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I am available for nakedness
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