lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
