hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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