i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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