dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
