she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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