Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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