I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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