i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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