My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
