I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
