If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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