true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
