theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
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