she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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