I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
