she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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