why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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