Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
