OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
