he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I have aggressive nipples.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
