Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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