But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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