Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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