Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
All the doctor said was why
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
