This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
