this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
