You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
