I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
