For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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